It was Tuesday evening and Grace was sitting at her desk doing her AP US History homework while listening to the Beatles. She loved the oldies. Outlining chapters was so monotonous to her, she much preferred solving math problems to this. She stopped to stretch and leaned back in her chair just enough to hear a crack in her upper mid back when out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She could be pretty, she thought. But she didn't care enough about her looks to put in the effort. She had blonde hair in these ringlets that when she was little people used to call her "Shirley Temple", whoever that is. She apparently sang a song about animal crackers back in the day. Grace then looked down at her outfit and winced. A big frumpy t shirt and some denim shorts. She was never getting into a career of fashion that's for sure. But she grew up playing in the mud with her best friend, Tommy. No surprise there that she ended up being a tomboy.
She looked up at the cork board above her desk and she saw two photos of the pair. One was from when they were 11 years old and the other was from her Sweet 16 last spring. Tommy was always so handsome. That first picture was from the day she knew she had a humungous crush on her best friend. They had known each other since their first day of second grade and had been inseparable
ever since. Up until he started dating the captain of the cheer squad.
There was a knock on her bedroom door. "Come in", she said. In walked Tommy, leaning against her doorway in those worn out jeans she loved to see him in. Grace gave him that same too eager smile she always greeted him with. But then she saw his face. He looked so sad. He always seems sad now thanks to Kathy.
Kathy is beautiful. She has long, wavy auburn hair, beautiful blue eyes and the most popular girl in school. Because in small town America, cheering for boys running around throwing a ball is the most important thing any teenage girl could do. Tommy was on the football team so you would think what a perfect all-American couple. That's how the town saw the pair these past 6 months of their relationship, but Grace knew better.
"You need a walk?", Grace asked. Tommy gave a smirk and nodded. Grace always knew exactly what Tommy needed. She knew if he needed to go on a long drive out to the lake, or if he just needed to go to their spot in the park. The best park bench in the entire place. Far enough away from those annoying middle schoolers, but not so secluded so they could still hear people playing music. It was under just the right amount of trees for the perfect amount of shade so you could feel a breeze on even the warmest days, but still feel the sun on your skin for that good ol' Vitamin D.
Just like Grace knew exactly when Tommy needed a walk vs a drive she knew when he needed just to be in her company and not talk. Today they were going to walk in silence until Tommy was ready to tell her why he was so sad...today. Grace couldn't believe that Kathy didn't know how lucky she was. If Tommy had a type, Grace couldn't be it if he liked Kathy. Which devastated her beyond belief. Kathy wore make up and knew how to do her hair. She never wore frumpy clothes. There was never a hair out of place. She was charismatic and had a ton of friends. Grace just had Tommy and a few other friends but nothing like the following Kathy had. Grace debated trying to look more like Kathy so she could be more like what Tommy wanted. But she didn't even know where to begin.
They finally arrived at their spot and took a seat. Grace was prepared to tilt her head back and bask in the final rays of summer before fall weather truly started. But Tommy was ready to talk.
"I just don't understand what I did that was so bad Geesh", Tommy said. Geesh, his nickname for Grace since the third grace. Neither one remembers the origins of how this inside joke started anymore, but the name stuck. It gave Grace butterflies in her stomach every time she heard it. The older they got, the more intimate that nickname felt. He was the only person allowed to call her that.
"What happened?", Grace asked.
"She flew off the handle. I made a joke in our trig class. I teased her about feeling the need to be perfect all the time. She laughed with everyone so I thought, awesome. I can still make her laugh. How lucky am I that I have the most beautiful, popular girl in school and I am the one that makes her laugh. Then, when we were walking to lunch she wanted me to go with her behind the bleachers. Again, I thought, sick. Cuz, ya know what happens there."
Grace only knew in theory.
"So I get there pumped that I'm getting to spend some cool time with Kathy and then she just goes crazy on me." Tommy continued, "I didn't know what to do. I told her I was sorry, I would do anything to make it up to her. I thought we got the conversation to a good place and we were cool. So, I walked her home and as soon as I left her place she called me to yell at me some more. She started rehashing every little mistake I've made since we started dating. Geesh, what if she breaks up with me?" Tommy was freaked.
Grace took in a deep breath. She thought, your life would be better for it. But she knew she couldn't say that to him. She knew what dating Kathy meant to him. The relationship helped his popularity. He was getting invited to parties and getting more playing time in the games. He did seem to love her. Grace looked over at Tommy and saw tears in his eyes.
Grace decided to tease him, "Well it seems the only solution is to tell her how super un-perfect she is. I mean, don't you know that's the worst thing you could do? Compliment a woman and tell her she's perfect?" He chuckled. A relief fell over Grace. She loved his smile, but it hadn't reached his eyes quite yet.
"I don't know how you do that," Tommy mentioned. "You always know how to make me feel better. Being around you is so easy and effortless, like blinking."
Grace did a little growl of disgust in response. That shocked Tommy. It shocked her too.
"What? What did I say?" Tommy asked.
Grace shot up, surprising herself once more. She never lost her temper with Tommy. But something about being told it was so easy being with her hit a nerve. Wouldn't that tell him he should be with her? Not perfect little cheerleader homecoming princess Kathy? She looked down at him and said, "Tommy, I'm sorry I can't do this." Grace started to walk back to her home.
Tommy jogged over to her and grabbed her arm to turn her around toward him. "Grace, what's wrong? What did I do? Please, I can't have you being mad at me too."
Grace looked at him, and before she could control herself it was all rushing out. "Tommy I love you. But not in the like a brother way. Like actually love you, love you. And I get it. I get it that you don't see me that way back and it's fine. I mean, I see Kathy and I get why any guy would want her. But then she treats you so badly. I've known you since we were, what, eight years old? When you are having a bad day or even a fantastic day, I'm the one you drive to see in the middle of the night to talk to about it. I'm the one that you lay in the back of your pick up truck with and look at the stars and tell about every single dream you've ever had. I'm the one that has held you while you cried, and made you laugh and seen you at your best and worst moments. I'm so happy to be your best friend. I would be totally fine being friend zoned and watch you fall in love with someone else if that person made you happy. But Kathy doesn't make you happy Tommy. So for you to tell me that being with me is easy and have to hear that... I just wish you thought for a moment that maybe, just maybe, you belong with me."
Tommy stared at her in shock. Grace turned around and walked toward home before he could say anything and it could ruin their friendship forever. She was going to get over this, the humiliation of everything she just admitted to with him. She knew she wouldn't be angry with him in the morning and they could both just pretend it never happened. But she needed to walk away and be alone for a minute. She heard Tommy following her. That didn't bother her, she knew he was only walking with her to make sure she got home safe. He would give her the space she needed.
The walk back home felt longer than usual, even though Grace felt like she was going a million miles an hour. She couldn't believe she told Tommy she had feelings for him. She can't believe she told him the fact that he didn't feel the same way was okay. It wasn't okay. None of this was ever going to be okay. Tears were burning in Grace's eyes as the realization came over her that perhaps they weren't going to be able to pretend this never happened. Somehow she needed to make her legs move even faster so she could get home before she started really crying.
They finally made it to Grace's back porch and as she was about to put her hand on the doorknob she heard Tommy say, "Grace. Wait."
She slowly turned around to look at him. After a few moments of looking intensely at each other, Tommy walked a few steps closer to Grace and stared deeply into her eyes. He took a deep breath in...
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